An Answer 4 Days & A Crude Accusation Later

Like any normal girl, I totally over-analyzed why my date randomly ditched me at the Funny Bone 15 minutes before the end of the show. Was I rude? Did I come off as being bored? Not cute enough? Too independent? What was it??

I told my story several times to my mom (it makes her sick to her stomach), my dad (WHAT?!), my friends and even co-workers and some randies at the bar--both men and women. But none of us could could come up with a plausible answer other than the following:

• explosive diarrhea
• married
• gambler

So, I decided to ask him directly. And four days after the date, in the course of an hour via text, the answer unfolded. And I have to say, I totally didn't see this see this one coming.

Me: Norm says ur @ the job site so good to know ur alive. Am curious why u ditched and stiffed me on fri night. Not only rude, but also a waste of my time & money.

Me: Btw...the consensus is u had explosive diarrhea, are married or u have a gambling problem :)

Him: No no and no

Me: I'm thinking ur just a douche

Him: Wow really

Me: Yes, really. my co-worker, who's married, is confused. He's asking u, "do u think u did nothing wrong?"

Him: Well its not anything you did, ill just put it like this, in attending a funeral tomorrow from what transpired on friday night long story and its too late to smooth things out with you, obviously by your anger, all i can say is im sorry

Me: U know I'm not mad...but the fact that u left w/out saying anything?? I'm sorry 4 ur loss, but u could have textd me.

Him: I really have no excuse short of a dead battery that night, i had to fly down to lincoln to brian and figured that prob ruined anything that may have been starting. so in a nut shell what happened that night and my handling of it was terrible

Me: True that. Again, even if u had a dead battery, u could have communicated those facts 2 me. And really, no car battery charger? Really? Hard 2 believe...

Me: And ur phone was dead 4 4 days? Really? I can't believe u think I would honestly consider giving u a 2nd chance. A check yes, but u have zero opp. 4 redemption.

Him: Not for four days like i said i figured that i f**cked up that chance, would i like one yes but...

Me: R u serious? I don't the same mistake twice. I'm not an idiot & I don't settle. If ur type is all that's left, I'm fine w/ staying single.


It goes downhill from there, but I think you get the jist.

So what do you think? Am I blowing this out of proportion because of his family emergency? Or am I justified in saying what I said? 

Left-Mid Laugh...REALLY?

I haven't been stood-up since since high school, so 15 years later, being left mid-date came as quite a surprise. Yes, that's right. My date left me during the middle of a comedian's monologue and stiffed me with the bucket of beer. After a long relationship and plenty of dating disasters, my friends now think I'm too picky, so ladies, this one is definitely for the record books. And really, I should have picked up on the following clues--but I didn't. And let's face it, I'm using it for my future book, because you can't make this up!

Here's what happened. I met him while working one of my side projects. He's a construction guy and somehow got my number and called me (Clue #1) We had gone out previously and talked/texted a couple times, so he seemed nice enough. Now marriage material? Probably not, but because at a recent dinner party with my friends, they accused me of finding little things wrong with ever guy I've dated, I decided (against my gut feeling) to give him one more chance and take it for the team.

He didn't have a plan on what to do for a date (Clue #2), so I suggested we go to the Funny Bone. That particular evening Brad Williams was headlining the comedy club and I had received free tickets, so I suggested that option and we decided to meet up at a nearby bar before the show for a drink.

I'm having an exceptionally great hair day (Clue #3) but an hour before we were supposed to meet, I got a call from him, telling me he'd be late. (Clue #4) No problem. I'm flexible and I've definitely been late for a date before. So we shifted the time back. Then he calls me to tell me he's on his way so I show up at the spot--but he's not there. Apparently he forgot where we were going to meet and went to a different bar and then realized his mistake. (Clue #5) At this time, more bells and whistles are going off in my head that something is wrong, but I've ignored these cues for so long that I didn't even hear them and brushed them aside.

So he finally gets to the right spot, we have some small talk and make our way to the comedy club. I think eveything is going okay and the comedians are pretty funny. Then Brad takes the stage and his jokes center around his life as a little person. (So Brad, if you read this, fee free to use this for one of your jokes.) And that's when it happens. I'm laughing, he's laughing. We're all laughing. Then he gets up and never comes back.

At first, I think nothing of it. He kind of motioned he was coming back, so I thought he went to the restroom. But 20 minutes later, he's still not back and I'm thinking maybe he fell in. So I text him.

"Are u still here??"

Nothing.

And that's it. The jokes are over. The lights come up, the waitress comes over to tell me I have to pay for the drinks and I leave for home. On the way I texted, "FYI...I'm going home." Of course I didn't go home, I went to a different bar by myself and told the story to whoever would listen, but that's for another story.

Here's my questions: Where did he go? If he wasn't coming back, why didn't he text me something about how he's feeling sick? A family emergency, ANYTHING???? And, if he didn't want to go out with me in the first place, why did he ask? Or why didn't he cancel? REALLY?

And really the bigger question, why don't I listen to my gut. I knew from the start this wasn't going anywhere. Yes, it's a funny story--but let's face it, I have much more fun hanging out with my cat Gus on a Friday night, than hanging out by myself at a comedy club. But then, that's not blog material, is it?

Would love to hear your thoughts on where he went and why he never responded to me. And yes, I will keep you posted if he ever texts me back. Poor guy, he has no idea what's in store for him.

Drop 5 lbs. the Vi Way?

It's the new weight-loss miracle to hit the market and it's called Body by Vi, and everyone I know is selling it. I was at book club the other night and some of the gals offered up a sampling of the protein shake. A couple weeks earlier, my neighbor also told me about it as he grabbed a package to sell me out of the trunk of his car and at the Arthritis Walk, there was a booth dedicated to the diet supplement.

The host at this particular book club has become a distributor and while she doesn't need to lose any weight, is sold on the program. She's only been on the program for a couple days and has already seen results. For weight loss, you're supposed to have a shake for breakfast and lunch, snacks and a sensible dinner. Once you reach your goal weight, you occasionally have the shakes for maintenance and health. At that, she offered us all a sample of the shakes. And I'll admit, while I don't usually buy into these fad diets, it was pretty good.

I work out, eat pretty healthy, but have my weaknesses when it comes to processed foods. And let's face it, I could stand to lose 5 lbs. But one of the ladies at the club brought up a good point, "Are you losing weight because you're working out and eating healthier? Or is it the shake?"

Good point. When I recently went to Spain, I drank alcohol and ate plenty of fatty foods. But I also walked several miles a day and when I came back, I was actually a couple pounds lighter than when I left. The only thing I can fathom is the foods I ate were unprocessed, high in protein and were full of "good" fat. Also the walking. Other than the tour bus, that's how we got around the historical cities and towns. And it's amazing, I didn't see any fat people in Spain. Now they weren't super in shape, but they were healthy.

So here's my question: are Americans constantly just looking for the easy way to lose weight? A quick fix so we can continue to live the lifestyle we want? And does that help or hurt us in the long run? Or does a 90 day challenge help get us back on track? Upon reaching our personal goal, then we'll be the make the sacrifice and achieve lasting results? Who knows? Maybe I will just buy a month's supply...

Ode to Connie

Me and my Mom, Connie.

Yes, I understand Mother's Day has passed, but I didn't want to steal the thunder of a special day dedicated to the thousand of  "awesome Moms" out there. Plus, it's a great way to continue the celebration. I'm not a Mom, so my Mother's Day was particularly uneventful--unless you count the "Happy Mother's Day" I received from the girls at the check-out at Baker's. And, rather than explain and justify why I'm not a Mom, I simply nodded & smiled my thanks.

But it really got me to thinking of my own mom, Connie, and how it's a blessing every day that she continues to be part of my life. A blessing, because on January 1, 2010, my Mom nearly died.

On New Year's Day, my entire family, the "Dean 12", had just opened gifts and were just enjoying each other's company. It was early evening and for some reason, my Mom had gone down the basement stairs to check on her grandsons and that's when it happened. She just fell backwards down the stairs and landed on the ground, slamming her head against the wall of the house's foundation. A complete shock to all of us because she's traveled up & down those stairs numerous times with no incident. But this time was different.

For me, what happened next seemed to go in slow motion: I can remember my dad rushing down the stairs to check on my Mom, my sister-in-law dialing 9-1-1 and handing the phone to me to provide accident and address details to the dispatcher. It wasn't until the dispatcher asked me if she was still breathing that I panicked, wondering if my Mom would be okay. 

I don't think back to that day often and even when I do, I don't recall all the details, which I'm thankful for. What I do recall is that my Mom thought we were ridiculous to be worried about her and even in the emergency room, tried to reassure us that she was fine. 

Fast forward to today and my Mom is fine--which to me is a miracle. I'm often amazed that how quickly she healed after undergoing surgery that required two plates and four screws Her five-inch scar has faded considerably, she's back playing tennis and enjoying all of the things that she did before her accident.

I truly believe my Mom is alive today because she's got a lot of life to live. Not only does she pick me up when I fall down, offer comfort, words of advice, a shoulder to cry on, etc., she's a fighter and she never gives up. She's my biggest cheerleader and the first to tell me if I've messed up and how I can fix it. But it's not just me she does this for, it's our entire family--my Dad, sister and brother along with their families. Even my extended family including my grandmother, aunts and uncles.

To me, she is all of the things a Mother should be and somebody I can only hope to aspire to. So, while it's not actually Mother's Day--to me every day, I give thanks for my Mother and the time I have left to share life with her.

The Black Interview Suit

I enjoy job interviews. It's probably the WOO'er in me, but I love to answer the question, "Tell me about yourself?" I've got it down to an exact science and it's pretty good, if I do say so myself. I also have a standard go-to interview suit. It's a black, Banana Republic classic three-button pants suit that says classic and conservative. For the first interview, I always pair it with a button down shirt that's got a little flair that to me says, "Take a closer look, hiring manager. There's more than meets the eye."

Since I've started interviewing again, I've been noticing lots of advice for people like me looking for a new job. From The Today Show to the Omaha World Herald, there are lots of media sites that have some great tips on what to wear, how to answer the inevitable, "What motivates you?" and great questions to ask.

But I've noticed there isn't a lot of advice for hiring managers in terms of protocol and tactics. So, with the help of some friends who are/were in the same boat as myself, I have put together some tips for hiring managers that will make your jobs simpler, alleviate any confusion on the interviewees part and hopefully be a win-win-win.

1) Spell check is your friend. This may seem like a no-brainer, but I actually saw a communication job spelled "comminication". What's crazy to me is that it never came up in spell-checker. Like in this article I'm writing, it's clearly highlighted. Need I say more?

2) Make sure the job description matches the actual job. My friend *Bob says, "I'm trying to match my stengths with what you are looking for. So, if the job is in communications, but really there's a lot of math and science involved, obviously I wouldn't be a good candidate." Makes a lot of sense and it saves both the hiring manager and the person looking for the perfect fit-- a lot of time and effort.

As a sidebar, it's also a good idea to be upfront on whether the position is new or just being filled. Because many times with a new position, no one knows what exactly that job is or will turn into--so it's difficult to determine how to answer questions based on something that's not clear in the first place.

3) Communicate. Once you make it through the formal/in person interview, get back to us on where you're at in the hiring process. Interviewing is really like dating, so if you know immediately it's not a good fit, don't string us along, let us know that you're not that into us. We can handle it, at the end of the day, it's business and we want to find a place where we belong too and feel comfortable. Adds another friend, Stephanie, "If I have to roll out of bed and put on my suit for an interview, the least you can do is get back to me. It's just respectful and only takes two minutes of your time."

4) Follow the standard interview protocol. I once went through an interview process where I drove to the business (farther than 50 miles) for the first interview and then the hiring manager says, "Okay, let's schedule your phone interview for next week." What? Doesn't the phone interview precede the in-person meet and greet? It confused me and needless to say I didn't get the job, nor did I want it.

5) Tell the truth. I recently received the following email: "Good Morning Lora, Hope your weekend went well.  Unfortunately we have decided to fill the role...with a different candidate.  Thank you so very much for your interest...Please let me know if you have any questions." Here's my question, why is my friend now being interviewed for the position if it's already been filled?

I'm sure there's more of these tips for hiring managers that I'm leaving out. If I've missed something or you have a story you want to share, please chime in!


*Actual name has been changed.

Rediscovering your worth

A couple weeks back my position was eliminated with virtually no warning. I was a marketing assistant for a senior living community based in Omaha, Neb. and generally liked my job and the people I worked with. I'm pretty sure they were happy with my work too. Though, looking back, the last couple weeks of work, my gut was telling me that things were off, though I couldn't put my finger on what that meant. That was until the day I had a meeting with my boss and the HR director that confirmed what I probably knew all along.

This isn't the first time I've dealt with a job loss, as two years earlier, I dealt with the same thing when I was doing social media and video production for a local health care organization. So, after allowing myself to cry in front of my boss (I couldn't help it) I went to my parent's house and told them the news and then followed the expert's advise on coping with the stress that comes with a job loss--you know face the facts, reach out, network, stay positive, etc.

Every day my family, friends and co-workers at my part time job ask me how the job search is going and are, for the most part, empathetic. I always answer with the same, "I'm doing fine. Thanks for asking." And for the most part, my spirits are up. I believe life is a journey and that when a door closes, a window opens.

I wanted to let you in on routine day-in-the-life of me, now that I'm unemployed. Don't get me wrong, I do want a full-time job for the money and the stability that comes with it, but I have to admit, I'm enjoying this time of rediscovering old hobbies, my worth and the beauty of being alive. 

• The opportunity to hang out. 

when was the last time you visited your grandmother just because she's 93 and lives in a nursing home 85 miles away? I did that the first week I wasn't working because I could. I felt like I was in grade school because I rode with my parents (in their "new" car) and met my sister and her daughter at the nursing home. We got there in time for lunch and stayed for the afternoon, playing King's Corner and just talking. It was great.

I also have had the pleasure to hang out with one of my friends and her new baby--watching movies,  seeing some local sites and reconnecting with one another.

• Literally "running" errands.

I enjoy running--it's what I do to keep me stress-free and in shape and probably to keep me busy. But there are times that I don't feel like running. So recently I decided to ditch the car and run to my nearby grocery store to cash a check. It was great. All of a sudden, I found my purpose again and a reason to run. I took a new route and re-discovered the reason I love running so much.

• Try your hand at stitching.

Although I grew up in the city, I was a 10-year 4-H'er who once sewed a fuchsia lined wool suit (yes my friends make fun of this). But since I quit 4-H, I haven't threaded a needle, save for the handful of buttons I've sewed back on my shirts or the pants I've re-hemmed by hand. Anyway, I've had these IKEA drapes that I've been meaning to hem properly for the past five years. So what better way to spend a Tuesday morning than by firing up the serger and sewing?

And while I haven't sewed for at least 15 years, I felt pretty confident that I would rock it, especially since I read the directions, looked at the pictures, etc. However, after breaking the thread and re-threading the machine at least eight times, I finally frantically called my sister and using choice words, asked what I was doing wrong. Of course, it was a simple solution and after that I serged away, finishing the hem on my drapes which now are hanging nicely.

• Reaffirmation of worth. 

I have filled out dozens of applications along with updating my resume. So, I am constantly reaffirming to myself the great things about me. What are those, you ask? Well, according to Gallup's Strengthfinders test, my top five strengths are: "woo" (win others over), communication, harmony, adaptability and positively. Let's face it, everyone needs a cheerleader on their team who, despite an uphill battle, will be positive and say, "Go team, you can do it!" If that's not your work place, that's probably not where I want to be.  

• Take a cat nap.

When in doubt, I take Gus' (my cat) lead and take a nap. These naps usually fall in the mid- to late-afternoon and can last anywhere from 2-3 1/2 hours. And I love them and don't feel guilty about taking them. I've discovered that there are times when every job possible has been applied for, I've updated my blog, I've networked with everyone I can think of--have even put in a second load of laundry. In other words, I've done all I can do for today...Now I just have to sit back and wait...  
   

The Princess Room

My friends have coined my bedroom the "princess room" for obvious reasons. The walls are painted a light purple & the duvet is a super cute PBteen design that I absolutely love. And I do have a half dozen Cinderella figurines prominently displayed.

In the past, my friends thought it was funny to bring up the topic at the bar and then guys would become intrigued. And in the past month I've received a text from a guy inquiring whether he can get a look at the "princess room" to see it/experience it for himself.

It's true, I love the story of Cinderella, the girl who, despite hardships, maintains her optimism and spunk and in the end finds love and true happiness. That's what I'm looking for in my life and those figurines are a constant reminder of my quest. In addition, each figurine has been a gift a loved one like my parents or siblings has given to me and therefore I cherish each one of them. I can't hide them in the closet--that would be rude. And donating them to the Goodwill would be disrespectful. So I proudly display them.

When I visit my friends' houses, I look for their personality and what character defines them and usually I am left wondering. Where are the knickknacks, figurines, quirky things displayed? I usually only see the Pottery Barn inspired room that I helped create at my part-time job there as a sales associate. 

I hope someday to be able to pass on my passion for Cinderella to my daughter(s) along with the treasures I've received. I even have an entire tree full of ornaments designated the "princess tree" but I'll save that for another post. Through the ups and downs in my life, I use Cinderella's story as a metaphor to never giving up the dreams, hopes and habits that make me unique.

So I ask, do you have a "princess room?" Is there an area you've designated that holds items from your childhood you can't part with? Be it pictures, knickknacks, keepsakes? If so, where is it? If not, why?