Donny Downer

I recently watched one of my friends get married. These two have been together for nearly a decade and they're truly meant for each other. I'm all for marriage. It's a beautiful thing--especially between two people who are committed to each other and willing to give 110%. But I don't want to talk about their happiness or that marriage takes work. I want to talk about Donny Downer.

You've probably met these guys: they hate their job, loathe their neighbor and think all women are crazy. I had the pleasure of dating one of these guys and wow, it was fun! ;)

While positivity and adaptability are two of my top strengths, I can only handle negativity and rudeness for so long before I snap. And when I go to weddings and see normal people have normal relationships, I'm reminded it's too late to settle.

Back to Donny, let's just say it never worked out, but there were some five key takeaways I learned from his attitude.

1. Listen to your gut. There's a reason you never thought it work in the first place.
2. Thankfulness goes a long way. My upbringing and experiences have taught me to be grateful for the things you have and not to complain for things you don't have. In other words, be thankful for your job, the roof over your head and that you can walk. There are many people in this world who have less than that and yet even they find reasons in their day to smile.
3. If there's no kindness in his eyes or on his lips, kindness is not in his heart either. Very early on, I noticed that he never complimented me on the way I looked, never congratulated me on my achievements and always looked to criticize. Mind you, I don't need people to tell me nice things about myself all the time, but once in awhile kindness is nice. 
4. He's laughs at, not with you. I don't take myself seriously and I love to laugh and joke around. While we did laugh, it always tended to be at my expense. It gets old.
5. To him marriage is a contract. Here's a fun thing about dating in your mid-30s. Within the first two dates, the topic steers towards marriage. This Donny Downer said he'd never marry anyone without a pre-nup. To which I say, if you own your own island, a couple houses or consistently wear a black hoodie and created a social network some one billion people are part of, then yes, a pre-nup is in order. If not, you probably don't have much money. And worse, you have no concept of what the word "forever" truly means. And to you I say, no thanks.

It's these experiences that remind me of the way my dad treats my mom and vice versa. Namely as it says in 1 Corinthians 13:4, "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."  

No More Philly Trash Talk

A view of Independence Hall.

A business trip in September took me to Philadelphia, home of brotherly love and sisterly affection. And while the people are nice, what I immediately noticed is the town didn't smell. The raunchy memory stems from the last time I was there in 1986. My family and I took a vacation to Washington D.C. and the birthplace of democracy. It was a great trip, but what we didn't realize until we were there is that Philadelphia was going through some major city issues that resulted in an 18-day trash strike. In other words, trash was piled up everywhere. In the streets. In the alleys. In the parks. Everywhere. As we saw the Liberty Bell and Independence Hall where the Declaration of Independence was signed, there was a stench. Imagine, being nine-years old and soaking up all that history, but all you're really concentrating on was holding your nose and not breathing. That was me.

Pat's King of Steaks with mushrooms.

Going back for the second time in more than 25 years, I was nervous for my nose's sake. My hotel was within walking distance of many of the historical sites. So, during my free time, I ventured out to see the town and thankfully, I was pleasantly surprised by what I smelled and saw.

Philadelphia smelled good. The city has taken major strides to preserve and protect the relics of our country's path to freedom. The Liberty Bell is now enclosed in a beautiful building and tells the story of how the bell's crack came to be. It was also interesting to learn how the bell has been used for groups of people throughout history as a mascot for their cause. I walked across the street to the Visitor's Center, where free tour tickets were available to tour Independence Hall. It was nice to be reminded of how hard our forefathers fought for us to have life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Plus, a bonus, no trash. Rather, lush grass and people like me, who love to learn about the past.

If you're going to visit Philly, you must infuse yourself i the culture, so I enjoyed an authentic cheese steak sandwich from both Pat's and Geno's, the competing eateries just happen to be right across the street from each other. I also drank in the atmosphere at some local pubs and ran up the steps of the Philadelphia Museum of Art like Rocky. And even better, I ran on the bike trail nearby that takes you along Boathouse Row.

My three-day trip has replaced my memories of Philly. I no longer think how trashy and smelly the town is, rather how wonderful it is that they're preserving history for the future.